Love Notes & Anecdotes

This morning I was doing a lot of thinking. and to be totally honest, I was having doubts. about God. yes, it's true. Me, Heidi Diaz, the girl known for carrying a bible in her purse, the girl who goes to church twice a week, was having doubts about God. What kind of doubts? My prayer this morning sort of went like this: "God, please, show me a miracle, show me something, that proves your existence. Give me a God moment of some sort. I wanna see you." I opened my eyes, after that prayer expecting something. anything. to happen. nothing did. so I went on with my day. 

I attended a master dance class taught by the oh-so-amazing Mark Meismer and he definitely kicked my butt. The song we danced to was beautiful and Mark stopped the music to explain what the song meant. "I know many of you probably have not been in love yet. But this song is about Love. it's called Madly in love with you so you definitely know it's about love. I want you all to portray that love through your dancing. Tell the story. I know you all love something, whether it's your family, your friends, a boyfriend, a girlfriend, your dog, you all know how to love. Hopefully you all love dance, or else why else would you be here, so show that through your dancing. Bring it on the floor." So I took this little speech and danced my hardest. I pictured the song about a relationship between a boy and a girl and tried to tell that story. I even heard the words of the song but imagined it as a boy speaking the words to a girl. The class was amazing and it felt SO GOOD to dance again but that isn't the point of this story. The main part of the story is actually when I got home. 

I was tired from the class but I loved the song so I decided to download it when I got home. I remembered some of the lyrics so I typed them in on Google, and the lyrics of the whole song popped up. After reading the lyrics, I started to cry. Here I was, thinking the whole time that the song was about love in the type of relationship between a man and a woman, but it was actually a love song from God to us. I felt so horrible for doubting God and his unfailing love even just a little because it's everywhere and I asked him to forgive me for my doubts because His existence is EVERYWHERE. in every sunrise, in every sunset, in every smile someone gives, in every flower, in every garden, in every forest, every time a wave crashes on the beach, every newborn baby, in every walk in the park, every laugh, everything. God always finds ways to ease my heart. But he always tells me  in a loving way. always. It was almost like he was saying, "Heidi, I'll always be here for you. always. sometimes you may forget that, but it's okay, 'cause my arms will still be here, waiting to embrace you when you come back to me." 

"I see you down there everyday, trying to find a different way to build some kind of ladder to the sky. Trying to find some way to see, the secrets of eternity, and they don't come all at once, you don't know why. How do you think it feels to hear you screaming out my name, when all a while I'm trying to open up your heart? I see you when you cry your self to sleep. Its tearing me apart.

I know you wish you could see me, that's the way it has to be. Someday you will understand, but don't you lose your faith in me. I know you wish you could hear me sometimes its so hard to do. But every morning sunrise says 'I'm madly in love with you'.