Love Notes & Anecdotes

after dropping the whole tupperware container of cilantro and sliced onions on the floor, my dad goes, "You know what? I think we should get you checked out. You could have some sort of disorder. Being a dancer and lacking that much grace shouldn't be normal."

whattt?

but yeah, apparently it's THAT bad.

Anyways, on another note we started our dance pieces for the spring show yesterday. pretty cool I must say. But as Melanie and I were walking to our cars I started talking about a HUGE fear that I have. I've discovered that my biggest fear is not living up to someone's expectations. In one of the pieces I'm in, the choreographer told me she decided to make me the soloist of the piece. Right away I started to get anxious and even a little embarrassed. Not because of the fact that I would be dancing by myself in front of who knows how many people for who knows how many shows, no, actually I LOVE that part of dance. The exhilaration of everyone watching YOU tell the story. But in fact I was more afraid of the fact that now that I've been chosen I have to prove myself to her to make her know she made the right choice instead of thinking another dancer would have done the job better. You know what I'm sayin ? This fear goes beyond dancing for me too. If someone says to me "oh yeah, I talk to them about you a lot" referring to someone I haven't met yet, it makes me a little uneasy because then those people have this predetermined notion about me that I have to live up to? i guess, and I get so worried about them thinking  "oh, she's not as great as they said she was" 

It's a pretty dumb fear if you ask me, but I still worry about it. It doesn't necessarily make me act any different around anyone but it's something that stays in the back of my head.

I guess I just need to understand that the only one I should truly seek to please is God and nobody else.